Love is an extension of yourself
I asked my boyfriend recently, “What is love to you?” They paused for a moment before responding. Then I followed up with, “How do you know when you truly love a person?”
Reflecting on that, I realized I’ve been in love before—or at least, I thought I was. But if I analyze those experiences using my current understanding of love, they wouldn’t seem like love at all.
The beauty of growing up is gaining a deeper awareness of things we once thought we understood. At that particular time in my life, with the knowledge I had, that was my version of love. And it was valid—for then.
Learning Love From Scratch
Love has always been something I’ve deeply desired to understand—mainly because I didn’t grow up being shown love in the ways I now recognize it. I believed my parents loved me, but they rarely expressed it verbally or emotionally. I interpreted their love as provision:
They provided shelter—I needed to keep it clean.
They paid for my education—I had to show appreciation by performing well in school.
At the time, I equated love with transaction. Love meant doing something in return for being cared for. And so, I grew up believing that love had conditions.
But this post isn’t about unpacking childhood trauma. It’s about trying to understand: when someone says “I love you,” what does that mean to them? More importantly, what does it mean to me? Is there a way to measure love? Is there a metric?
A Lingering Question
That same day, I asked my boyfriend, “What is love to you?” We walked and talked for a while. Though we moved on to other topics, that question stayed with me long into the night.
I started thinking about the people in my life who I know love me. And the first person that came to mind was God. He told me Himself:
“No one has greater love [nor stronger commitment] than to lay down his own life for his friends.” —John 15:13 AMP
No one can ever love me more than God does. He has shown His love for me in every possible way—through His Word, through His actions, through His protection, His discipline, and His presence when others walked away.
A Dream About Love
So what prompted me to actually write this post?
That night, I had a dream. I don’t remember all of it, but one part stood out. In the dream, my pastor said something that echoed in my spirit even after I woke up:
“Love is an extension of yourself. The things you can’t reach—I can. Where you can’t go—I am able to. What you can’t say—I can.”
At first, I thought, “What does that even mean?” But the more I sat with it, the more it made sense.
You can break it down in many ways, but the essence is this: LOVE = SELFLESSNESS.
God demonstrated this selfless love by offering His only Son, Jesus, as a sacrifice for our sins. He sent the Holy Spirit to guide and comfort us. That kind of love—a love that gives without expecting in return—is what reconciled humanity with God and gave us eternal hope.
God’s selfless love isn’t limited by our past, our pain, or our mistakes. It extends to everyone—regardless of background or belief. That’s the power of true love.
So, What Is Love?
To me, LOVE is doing for others what you wish could be done for you—with joy. It’s the satisfaction of knowing that you’ve made someone feel what you would have wanted to feel.
And yet, no one will ever out-love God. His love is unshaken by trauma, pain, or rejection. It’s limitless.
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” —Jeremiah 31:3 ESV
God loved me first—even when He knew I would rebel, fall short, and sin. And He still loves me today.
So, what do you know about love?
Start by knowing the love of God. Then, learn to love yourself. The rest will flow.
What does love mean to you? What have you learned about the love of GOD ?
Share your thoughts in the comments below.
